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I dont even know why its the most idiotic idea, because Ive thought of many dumb ideas this week. But this idea is actually stupid, but somehow, I know that I have to try in a misguided attempt to prove Im not a fucking idiot. Last night I had a nightmare of my life. I cant explain all the details, but the gist of it was this: I was in a dark basement and I saw my mom and dad, who were in front of the TV. I went over to them and hugged and kissed them. They had to leave me in a cold, dark basement. I have no idea how long I was there, but it was a really long time. And in the dreams, I knew as soon as I woke up, that I had to get help. I know you all know what to expect when this happens, but I just wanted to say this: I really, REALLY thought I was going to die. I just kept thinking that I shouldnt have done what I did when I saw my parents. I should have just let them be aghast when they found me, not just crying and apologizing. I should have just let them take me away after. And I should have just walked away from the movie theater when I got so frightened. I got scared at seeing another man being so mean to me. But they didnt understand, and thats when I felt even more hurt and scared. I didnt even cry anymore, all I did was hold my body, trying to make myself smaller. I wanted to let him see me, but I didnt know if my mom would understand, like how would she see me. It made me realize just how much I used to want to be like them. I could tell my mom what I felt, I could tell her everything. I didnt even have to make up lies, like they were my parents or something. I could just tell her what I really felt. I could feel every single heartbeat that was going to be going through my body. I know I sound paranoid, but I mean this is a dream. I mean, you can do whatever you.

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